The Seven

ENVY

Like pride, envy is a good desire gone rogue. All of us long for goodness, for affirmation, for blessing and joy. And we should — God intends for us to experience all these things. However, envy grows whenever we think our happiness depends on securing what someone else possesses. When we are envious, we fixate on whatever we think we must have, like Gollum in the Lord of the Rings clutching that cursed ring. When we’re envious we think we know what we really need. But often, we’re mistaken and confused; and as we wander further away from truth and love (from God), we lose our perspective. We lose ourselves.

An envious person feels a constant internal void and grasps after what others enjoy (their abilities, beauty, strength, relationships, accomplishments) in an attempt to fill that emptiness. An envious person constantly compares themselves with others and judges their own shortcomings. Though it’s hard to recognize at times, an envious person is very self-critical. Unable to see ourselves as God’s beloved, we despise who we are, and then turn our envious gaze toward others to make up for what we lack. Tragically, this destructive combination of envy and self-hatred destroys us from the inside. “Envy,” the Proverb says, “rots the bones” (Proverbs 14:30).

Often, envy is our response to a wounding (a painful rejection, a sense of inadequacy, a fear of failure, etc.) and seems to point us toward quick relief in our tiring quest to find validation, recognition, and love. However, envy can never deliver what it promises. Even if we’re able to grab whatever we’re fixated on from another person, it will never satisfy. That verse in Proverbs 14 tells us that envy not only rots the bones, it also never produces a “heart at peace.” Envy always leads to more isolation, more anger and resentment, and less love.

Envy rots us from the in side, like cancer. The only power strong enough to heal envy is love. As Paul says in 1 Corinthians 13:4, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy.” God, we know, is love, so to find freedom from envy, we must abandon ourselves to God’s enduring love. As we bask in God’s love, we discover that we do not need to possess anything or perform anything or accomplish anything. We are simply loved and delighted in by the God who has already moved heaven and earth to call us His beloved children.

When my son was 5, he saw me lifting a huge box that must have seemed to be about the size of a small car to him. His jaw dropped. In admiration, he exclaimed, “There are only 2 people as strong as daddy: Superman and Hulk!” You can imagine how my chest swelled. Years later, however, my son is 5 inches taller than me and can lift me right off the ground. He’s no longer impressed with my strength. And he now has  many men in his life besides me who he admires and respects. Some of them are stronger than me, smarter than me, and much more accomplished than me.
That’s intimidating, and I could be tempted to feel threatened and grow envious, fearful that I don’t measure up. However, when I’m resting in love (God’s love for me and my love for my son), I don’t have to reduce those other men for me to trust my own unique (and may I say irreplaceable) relationship with my son. There’s no need to envy. I am free to be myself and free to let my son be himself. We are all free.

Question:     Who provokes your envy? What is at the root of this envy?

Practice:     Kindness. Paul tells us that love and kindness oppose envy. Today, find a way to offer kindness to whoever stirs up your envy. As you practice kindness, notice what opens up in your heart toward them. And then, find a way to offer kindness to yourself.