The Marks of Real Love
With a bold new look and sound, the Beatles stirred a whole generation to sing “all you need is love.” In a much publicized studio reunion, the Beatles again sang of love. But the lyrics of John Lennon’s song “Real Love” expressed a note of sadness. While describing real love as his goal in life, the song ends with the mournful thought that he was destined “only to be alone.”
Lennon’s lyrics describe the experience not only of his generation but of ours as well. We look for love, think we have found it, but grow disillusioned when the feelings evaporate.
What is love and why does it seem so elusive? If we had lived in the days of the apostle Paul, the Greek language would have helped us clarify the kind of “love” we were looking for.
The Greek word eros was a term used to describe romantic love. Storge described a strong love that protects and makes secure. Phileo represented the brotherly love of family or friendship. And then there was agape (most often used to speak of God’s love) that described love in its most profound and pure form. Only agape and phileo are used in the New Testament.
Since Paul chose the word agape for his description of love in 1 Corinthians 13, it appears he wanted us to see that it is the highest kind of divine love that gives lasting meaning to all other expressions of love. Using agape to describe this love from our Creator’s point of view, the apostle wrote:
“Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things…” (1 Corinthians 13: 4-7).
When we consider the different element of this lofty love, it becomes clear why agape love is real love — the love we all want and need.

Love “Suffers Long.”
It is patient. The Greek word meant “long-tempered.” The dictionary of New Testament words says makrothumia describes “that quality of self-restraint in the face of provocation that does not hastily retaliate or promptly punish.” Another commentator defined it as “slow to become resentful.”
Real love does not retaliate or seek to get even. It does not embrace bitterness but patiently endures. It recognizes and deals with the heartaches it faces without becoming vengeful in response. This quality of love [suffering long] enables a person to do what others say they could never do.
That was Barb’s case. Her husband, Bill, had been involved in a lengthy affair, eventually abandoning their family. The marriage ended in divorce. Yet, in all the hurt and pain Barb experienced, she never forgot why she loved her husband. After months of sorrow and rebuilding her life alone, she received word that Bill had been injured at work and had been hospitalized. God used the suffering of that accident to get the attention of a man who had gone astray.

One day, Bill contacted Barb and asked if there was any hope for their broken marriage to be restored. What a huge question! And what an open door for further hurt and sorrow! Another woman in a similar situation might have, understandably, declined. But in spite of Barb’s concerns, she was willing to enter into months of biblical & Christian counseling with Bill. Two years after Barb had been forced to deal with one of the most severe pains and losses a woman can endure, she remarried Bill.
That kind of willingness to resist becoming resentful does not mean that past sins are easily or painlessly forgotten. But real love doesn’t give way to bitter resentment. And, by the way, a love that “suffers long” does not require those who have been hurt to remain in or re-enter harmful situations. Real love requires that our actions grow out of the right attitude. Real love “suffers long.”
We’ll continue with the marks of real love tomorrow.